It's that time of the year again... The time of the year where people make new years resolutions they'll never keep, plan things they know they can't do and make promises they can't carry through.
I've been planning my new years resolutions since the beginning of December. I'm actually quite proud of myself. I managed to keep a New Year's resolution from last year! I mean.. Wow x) Ok, it was only that I needed to drink more water, but hey.. its a habit now! I even got into the habit of making my bed! Since last year!! Be proud of me!

Anyway, here I go, jumping on the NYRB (New Years Resolutions Bandwagon)!

-- Whenever somebody asks me where I'm from, I will say that I'm really an extraterrestrial looking for a new planet to invade. So far, planet Earth is looking promising enough for the plans to go through in 2012 (calling to mother ship...!).

-- I don't want to be skinny, I'm long past wanting to look like Barbie. However, it would be nice to be fit/shapely. Lets see if I can achieve that this year

-- I've been through many character changes THIS year, some good, some bad. I'm going to focus on being nicer to people who irritate me this year. Maybe they were only having a bad day, after all.

-- I always say how everyone else is lucky because of their beautiful surroundings, and how boring and dreary it is to live in the city with no greenery around me. I have realized a few times this year that if I only open my eyes, there are beautiful things around me, too. I'm going to pay more attention to the beautiful things around me.

-- "All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become." (<= One of my favorite quotes, maybe I'll see how I can put that to use this year).

-- I *will* get a job this year. If it kills me. Wait.. No, not if it kills me.. Because then I won't have a job... AAAAH!

-- I plan on writing this year. I doubt very much that I'll finish my book, but I *will* work on it (yes Lisa, you'll get to see it XD).

-- I will not procrastinate!! *procrastinates posting blog entry because she's sure she can come up with more resolutions*.. I mean.. OOPS?!

The first thing that came to mind when I saw this picture was my modeling. Although by no means is this a complete scenario of how it is "behind the scenes", i quickly put this together. Maybe one day I'll write about what it's REALLY like behind the scenes of a modeling shoot/acting shoot. =)

Behind the Scenes

FLASH!! The blinding light went off for the hundreth time. The man behind the camera looked up and sighed "Myra, suck that stomach in, lift your face and keep your position! And when you smile, don't show your gums! How many times do I have to tell you?". The tall, gangly man dressed all in plaid bustled over to the model to re-arrange her for the next photo, just like a rag doll.
Myra felt so uncomfortable, her legs and arms at awkward angles, her back aching, she felt like a contortionist.

"Models don't feel pain or discomfort, they never get cold or hot and are never hungry" Myra repeated these words over and over in her head. They were the words her agent had told her to keep in mind. "If you don't remember these rules, there is no chance you'll ever be successful."

FLASH!! FLASH!! FLASH!! "Myra..." The voice came to her again. Quickly fixing her smile and position, she looked at the cameraman. "Lunch. I'm starving! You..." the camera man pointed vaguely in the direction of the makeup artist "Camille.. Re-do her makeup while i take a sip of coffee, will you?" He winked and walked off.

Myra un-twisted herself and massaged her own shoulders. Camille looked at her pitifully "Jordan is being a bit harsh today, isn't he? But you have talent girl... He wouldn't push you so hard if you didn't!" Myra sighed "Camille, I'm starving.. Do you think I could get a bite to eat before you do my makeup again? "Of course girl, go ahead!" They smiled at each other. The team had been together all weekend working hard.
Bodies bustled around and there was much chatter. Myra walked over to the food table and was about to reach for a slice of cake when she reconsidered. So many calories! She looked down at her flat stomach and pondered a while, then picked up an apple and walked away.

There were many people at the 'shoot', but Myra was the main model. The others were "human props" just something to make the background look busy. This job would pay well. She finished her apple and went back over to Camille to get her makeup re-done, then she rushed over to the wardrobe to get the lady there to give her her new outfit and put it on. Glancing in the mirror, she brushed her hair again and glared at the reflection of the clothing.. How could people WEAR that?! She felt like a duck. A grey duck. She even had the yellow boots on to match.

Back to the 'shoot'... It was now 5pm, and she knew she wouldn't get off till about 7am. All in a days work, she thought. Next week will be the same.


Every Sunday Writers Block puts up an image to inspire us. Do stop by there!

I don't know about other people who write poetry, but I know that when I write, it comes from the very core of my soul. My writing usually has something to do with whatever it is I'm going through at the time, or maybe with what I'm feeling, or what I think other people may be feeling towards something that happened.

I'm at my most creative when I'm depressed. Kinda sad, huh? When I'm depressed, it's almost as though I can neatly funnel my depression onto paper. My fingers and the words on the paper create a life of their own, it's almost as if someone/something can magically conjur up what I'm feeling into words and pour them onto paper, arranging them 'just so'.

It's a vicious cycle, the poets dancing with the words in their mind, feelings only kindling the fire inside. Once you start writing, you can't stop. If you write once, you crave it again and again, like a smoker might crave niccotine. It's addicting. The words pull you back every time, just one more dance, one more song, one more rhyme, one more...

I wish I could share the magical feeling of dancing with words and rhymes with you, but I think it's something one has to experience for oneself.
Just picture in your minds eye... An exotic dance. Your partner? Your imagination.
Every time I open a document to write (poetry or stories), I get this tingling feeling in my fingers and excitement running down my spine. Every word that appears on the paper is a surprise, every word - a new idea born and every new idea is a fresh rush of excitement.

Anyone can write, everyone has the talent of writing... If you just let your fingers and the words create a life of their own, if you'll just listen to the rythm of that exotic dance you're having with your imagination, if you'll just feel the moves of the dance happening instead of doing them.

P.S. I know it's a lame post, but I had a lot of fun writing it

Confusion

 Nothing matters,
But everything does.
Spinning in circles,
Colors whizzing by.

Confusing thoughts,
Now up, now down,
Now somersaulting
Into oblivion.

Now happy, now sad
Now bitter tears and
Sweet laughter
Hold me close, now push me away.

Gently falling,
Sharply ascending
Now rain, now sunshine.
I know you, or do I?

A key in my hand,
But no door in sight,
Open the chest of memories
Behold! You never knew, did you?

Wistful sigh,
You can do no more
Than wonder about
That world passing you by.

Stories only you know,
Secrets locked away.
Please tell me, I want to know
The stories of long ago…

This chest has no key,
No desire to open.
Perhaps… One day,
You never know.

 © Tatiana Lasevičius

Today started unreasonably early: I had to get up at 5am to go to the dermatologist (leave house by 6/6:30 and arrive at the dermatologist at about 7:10, be attended at 7:30).
Well... I laugh in the face of whatever it is Brazilians (let me be fair and say 'Paulistanos' instead - what we call people from São Paulo) call "punctuality". We were seen to at about 9:30.
From far, the doc seemed pretty sullen. She had a face that made me think someone must have forced a lemon down her gullet. When I got into her little office, she still had a straight face, kept saying "hmmmm!" (I swear it sounded like she was plotting something!), but she seemed fairly interested in me as a person and made me feel comfortable. Nice lady, however sullen she looked. Made me think - Never judge a book by its cover (even though many a time judging the book by its cover has found me a really good read - or avoided a bad one).
Went to get the stuff the doc perscribed, the lady behind the counter gave me MORE than i'll ever need (wonder if she thought I had to treat my whole body + someone elses?).

Mom and I stopped at the petstore on our way back home to buy some dogfood and treats for the cat and dogs... Heidi (the bird) Still has treats 'n what not.

Anyway... Mom found this site where they custom make teddybears out of things that mean a lot ot you (a special shirt or tie or something) and suggested that they cut up my old scout uniform for something like that.. I 'bout freaked! So mom and I made a bet, if I could still fit into my Scout uniform, she'd owe me a big bobs ovomaltine milkshake with extra toppings (and I wouldn't lose my uniform).. If I didn't, I'd have to get the big bobs ovomaltine milkshake with extra toppings for us (and I would have made sure I *still* didn't lose my uniform, lol).
Mom now owes me a milkshake ;D
My uniform felt so stiff... I haven't worn it in 3+ years. I still have my patrol leader badge on, my first aid badge and all that other stuff... But I was pretty sad at how stiff it was feeling... I ended up putting the whole thing on, not just the skirt (yes omg, me in a skirt! Please don't faint! LOL). Took a few trips down memory lane when I saw myself in the mirror with my uniform on, and even more when i opened my pockets and found my hankerchief, scout cards and an old copy of my ID.

Later on, mom showed me a picture of someones son on her friendslist who did kenjutsu in Japan (please note: jealousy written all over my face, LOL!). I took a look at a few kenjutsu videos on youtube and went down memory lane all over again... I often fight with myself... I will get my black belt in Aikido (and hopefully my Dans after that ), that I already know. I would like to get my black belt with my old sensei, poor guy will probably be canonised after I've been through his dojo... I lost count of the amount of times he told me to stop talking/laughing and train harder (I was later told that he said I have a good future in aikido, that's why he was stricter with me than with the others). But in my heart of hearts, I want to get my black belt in Japan... Obviously I'd have to spend a year or more there to get that, but I think it'd be awesome! I'd better start saving, lol.

Just a little something before I leave:

Don't leave me alone!
A cry in the night,
Of anguish heart-striking
If soul-killing right.

Live for my living
Or else I must die
Don't Leave me alone
A world heard that cry
                Menolly's song to Brekke
                (Stolen from Anne McCaffrey's "Dragon Riders of Pern series)

Ja, oyasuminasai, minna-san ^_^                 

SHE Samurai

Standing out in the freezing snow,
Laden with heavy overcoat,
Holding a single red rose…
Tears of strength pouring down her face
Tears of achievement,
Tears of happiness

A katana is only as powerful as the
Samurai who uses it
Soon it will be spring,
The cherry blossoms will be all over
Soon all the children will be
Running out of doors
Laughing and playing

The wind playing with her long, black hair
The snow falling fresh on her eye-lashes
She has completed her task
She went through it all…
The pain, the suffering
Cold, despair, death
But she was here now

The katana laid to rest
Peacefully in it’s sheath,
Her skills no longer needed,
Her heart at peace with the world
Like a ghost she disappears,
The red rose left lying on the soft, white snow

The wind plays an eerie tune through the trees,
All that passion, hate, suffering and love
Laid to rest somewhere, forgotten forever…

All the strength and courage left its mark,
Somewhere in old Japan…

Our family has a little joke going...
Here in Brazil, it's rather rare to hear people speaking fluent English in the streets, but whenever we go out as a family (or even just two of us) we always speak English.
Of course, because it's sort of rare to hear English here, people always turn and stare, or have their ears out on stalks for a "free English lesson". So mom and I usually joke about our second heads.

If you speak English in the street, you're a freakshow, if you have two heads.... You catch my drift, I'm sure. Some times we tell them "No photos please, and autographs are tomorrow!" Sort of depends on our moods.. Some times mom and/or dad switch to Afrikaans and really throw our eavesdropper/s. When they do that, I can only giggle and nod and answer in English (I only understand some Afrikaans, and I definitely don't speak it - wish I did). It really confuses people.

Usually we get really good laughs out of it. Anyway...
Yesterday I went out on my own to get some things bought and ready for *whispers something inaudiable so that mom won't find out what it's for* (after all, a surprise is a surprise, isn't it? ). I hurried through my purchases, like I do every time I go out on my own, sat down a while to scribble something down in my notebook/journal, then rushed off to the bus stop to wait for the bus. Didn't take too long for the bus to come rumbling down the hill and I got on, payed, and made my way to the back. I was close-ish to home, when I decided to phone mom and ask if she wanted anything from the "village".

Me: *takes out cell, flips it open, dials moms cell & waits for her to pick up*
Mom: "Ya, hi?"
Me: "Hi mom..."
*girl in front of me whips around (I'm sure she got whiplash), checks herself mid spin-around and looks forward again*
"Is there anything you need from the village?" *girl in front of me looks around again, sort of bewildered then looks forward again*
"I'm going to stop at the post office, so I was wondering if there was anything you needed"
*girl in front of me, obviously still shocked half turns around again*
Mom: "No, I don't think so... It's ok"
Me: "Ok, see you in a bit then." *girl in front of me checks herself this time, just as she starts turning around, she stopped*
Mom: "Cya"
Me: *hangs up*

Then I did something I probably shouldn't have... I think I embarassed the girl no end.. Leaning forward slightly, as I was standing behind her, says I in a stage whisper (just loud enough so that the middle-aged lady sitting next to her, and the tall guy standing next to the other lady could hear it too, and in Portuguese): "Don't worry, just because I speak English, it doesn't mean I have two heads".
Girl: *Stare!*
Girl: *Turns around and makes sure she doesn't move her head at all for the rest of the trip*

When I got off the bus, the girl didn't look out the window, nor did she look anywhere else. Her gaze was Stuck. In. Front. Of. Her. I couldn't stop laughing!! I'm sure the people around me thought I was quite crazy, but it was so funny!
Mom said it was mean. I do hope I can be forgiven my little 'sin'.  And I'm pretty sure the girl learned her lesson too.. LOL!

Meet Speeedy.
Speeedy is a tortoise on our way into (and back from) the village. He's super curious about the cameras, and has taken to 'rushing' up to us every time we walk past. We scratch the top of his shell and he sticks his nose through the bars to investigate the cameras. He's actually really funny, lol!

Today we stopped to take pictures of him again... Last time we tried all of the pictures came out blurry, this time however, we got several really good shots of him. This being one of them (I love how I caught him in mid-step.. He's so cute, don't you think? ).

Anyway... Today mom and I had a good laugh at Speeedy. I was scratching his shell as usual, and talking and cooing to this charming little creature, when I noticed that as I was scratching the back of his shell, he was stretching his back legs, and almost like a cat would, "arching" his back - obviously enjoying the good ol' back scratch. It was so funny!! You had to be there to see it! Of course, his hind legs aren't as strong as his front ones (if I'm not mistaken, tortoises use their front legs to pull themselves along, not the back to push them forward), so he kept stretching his back legs up, keeping them up for up to about 15 seconds, and then relaxing. Repeat. It was ADORABLE!
Mom got some video footage of it, but it's not the same as it was being there. She's going to upload it for me and I'll post it here. Sorry about the screeching whistle in the background, though.

Now, I have a question for you guys: What do you call the large-ish land animals that carry their homes on their backs? Turtles or tortoises? I once did a 'survey' like that in IRC, most americans answered 'turtle'. Is this the norm, or just because they don't know any better?
Where I come from, we call them tortoises - will I have to get used to calling them turtles? Lol.

Well, Harieta did the Friday 5 for last week, So I thought - Why not? Ok, it's not Friday, BUT!!! I reserve the right to break the rules! The subject of this (er.. last) Friday 5 is (was) "Scary"... So here it goes:

1. What creature scares you the most? (Real or imagined - people are creatures too)
It depends, I think. I'm terrified of spiders and snakes (although lately I've been overcoming that), but people scare me too. In a funny way, though. I'm not scared of people, I'm scared of what people think! Strange, because I usually do my best not to mind what people think about me, in fact I usually brush what other people think off... It doesn't bother me when I'm in the right mood, but it still scares me. Oh, and when I was little, I was scared to go to the toilet at night in case some monster jumped out of the toilet and chased me. Did that make any sense at all? Lol!

2. Your favorite scary movie of all time . . .
I -- Don't -- Watch -- Scary -- Movies! Just Because I'm a scardy cat XD

3. The scariest moment in your life . . .
I've had a few... One of them, when I was around eight, we came home one night to find a drunk man all caught up in the barbed wire surrounding that piece of property... There was blood on his hands and he was swaying on the fence. Thank God we were in the car... Mom reminded me that I screamed, and that's how everyone else noticed him (I was sitting in the back seat closest to the window, and the drivers seat was on the other side). It turned out later that the man was quite harmless, only a drunk man who thought it would be a good idea to take a shortcut through someone elses property. I wouldn't (and couldn't) go to sleep on my own after that... Even up to two years after that, I wouldn't go to sleep before mom. I had to wait for her to go to bed at the same time.

4. The scariest place you have ever been . . .
Again... There have been quite a few. The only one that sticks out in my memory right now is when I had just seen my ex, and I took the bus to go home (it turned out to be the wrong bus). I was going to go all the way to the end of the line and then take the same bus back, but the area around kept getting worse, so i got off the bus, crossed the road and waited for the bus back. There was a pub full of men not two feet in front of the bus stop and they kept looking at me... I was scared (and on my own). I put away my mp3 player and constantly looked over my shoulder (I doubt I've ever been more vigilant, LOL!) and hoped that if anything happened, I would remember my aikido moves, lol! Thankfully the bus arrived, and nothing happened. I just got sore feet because the bus was so full and I had to stand all the way back.

5. What scares you?
I'm scared of losing the people I love and I'm scared of being scared. I daydream that I'm something bordering on super-hero and that nothing can get to me. I can fight off bad guys and get out alive without a scratch (super hero action movies ftw? LOL!), but in reality, I know that I can get scared very easy, and when I get scared, I can't think straight...

Ok, that's a lot of stuff for you guys to read, so I'll just sign off here and say I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Tagged
Tagged by Mom. Here are the rules:

1:Each player of this game starts with honesty answering these questions.

2:People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own providing their answers.

3:At the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

4: Don't forget to leave a comment that says, "TAG You're It", and tell them to go read your blog.

Here we go......

1. Where were you one hour ago?  In the shower

2. Who will be your next kiss? Mom

3. Is there anything pink within ten feet of you? I hate pink. But my  Pijama pants are pink  and a pink ruler... and a teddybear ornament, and er moms pink pig.. and um.. for someone who doesnt like pink, i'm suddenly seeing a lot of it LOL

4. When was the last time you went to the mall? Uh... The last time i went christmas shopping.. um... Last month lol

5. Are you wearing socks right now? Yes

6. When was the last time you went out of town? In March, when I went to South Africa with Aunty Anne

7. Have you been to the movies in the past five days? er.. no lol

8. What was the last thing you had to drink? Rooi Bos tea

9. What are you wearing right now? pijama pants and a tee

10.Have you been in a car wash? er... I know sometimes i manage to not be the cleanest of people.. but surely not THAT bad!?

11. Last food you ate? um... PIZZA!!! er.. althought the last thing i ate was candy... dunno if that counts as food...?

12. Where were you last week on Saturday? Where else is there to be? staring at a computer screen playing runescape and chatting on IM lol

13. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? no

14. When was the last time you ran? I'm assuming ran is the past tense of run.... And i dont know what run means... Is that edible?

15.What was the last sporting event you watched? erk... watch? sporting events? whatever for? I have my own 'events' here at home with mom and dad =)

16. What is your favorite class? How to dream, in 10 easy steps... Just kidding  but i do like that =) I like Biology and Chemistry.. Some geography and er... it stops there lol

17.What is your dream vacation? as long as its travelling, almost anywhere =) although at the top of my list: Hawaii, Japan and France

18.Last 3 peoples houses you were in? um... Aunty Annes, Oom Barny & Tannie Christine, and here at home lol i dont go visiting much, and the first 2 were in south africa... that means er.. it was a very, very, very long time ago lol

19.How old are your parents? ugh *blush* I can never remember... Dad is 44, and mom is 39 =)

20.Do you miss anyone? Unfortunately.... I miss lots of people... but you cant go back in time, and you can't fast forward it either... So i'll just keep them in my heart.

21.Last play I saw? eerrrrm.... Does "play" include playing with someone? if it does then mom filmed dad and i playing a few times... i saw one of those recently

22.What are my plans for today? SLEEEEEEEP!!! JK... Maybe read some, research some, dream some, bake some (if i muster the energy)...

23.Ever go to Camp? If I could, I would do it every weekend =) a favorite activity of mine ;) Marshmellows, anyone?

24.Were you an honor roll student? *cough* you do ask some complicated questions...

25.What do you want to know about the future? AH! the future! In the end, all i want to know is if my loved ones and I will be happy... although i wouldnt mind knowing a bit more..... XD

26.Are you wearing any perfume or cologne? i just got out the shower to go to bed! lol does soap count? I like Tommy Girl though, its my choice =)

27.Where is your best friend located? Best friends..... I can safely say... I see them every day... Who else, other than my mom and my cat?

28.Do you have a tan? ok wait.. do you know who you're talking to? my skin sees sun and screams "TIME FOR THE LOBSTER TO COME OUT OF THE POT!"

29.How old do you want to be when you have kids? *scratches her head* er... Don't you think I'm a bit young to think about that now?

30.Do you collect anything? Oh whee! lets start the list! lol Postcards, stamps, Teddybears and bears, writing paper, pens, any other stationary, pictures, movie tickets, letters, stickers, pieces of hearts that people trust me with, junk, if i look under my bed, i'm sure dust bunnies too...

31.Last time you were stopped by a cop or pulled over? Wait.. I don't even have a DRIVERS yet! and yo'ure already asking me when the last time was that i was pulled over by a cop?! dear i know my trolley driving skills arent that good.. but i'm sure they're not THAT bad!  

32.Have you ever drank your soda from a straw? Straw roses anyone?

33.How do you like your drinks? um... wet?

34.Do you like hot sauce? does moms tomato sauce count? no chilis!

35.Last time you took a shower? an hour ago

36.Who do you have a crush on? er.. crush..? crush ice? i like crushed ice! yum! flavor it with lemon, please?

37.What is your mood? um.. a mood *thinks* uh... niether here nor there lol

38. Are you someones best friend? ... I don't know

39.Are you rich? I can't say i'm rich in material things, but love, friendship and fun overflow in this house, and i think thats what counts =) (does runescape riches count too? LOL)

I am now going to choose to tag the following people:

Hm... um... well.. i dont really have anyone to tag LOL